50 Funny Gym Quotes – Vekhayn

50 Funny Gym Quotes

Bodybuilding is an incredibly tough sport. You have to force yourself to break down your muscle 5-7 times a week, eat a proper diet, and literally give up hours of your life just to look better. In our endless pursuit of looking shredded, here are 50 funny gym quotes to cheer you up!

Funny Gym Quotes
Funny Gym Quotes

Table of Contents

50: You Never Realize How Long A Minute Is Until You Exercise.

Time flies until you’re doing a minute-long plank. Or doing a set of heavy squats, then every second feels like an hour. One of the 50 funny gym quotes to hopefully make your intense workout today a little more…sad?

But seriously, I’ll spend 20 minutes with my friends and it feels like a second, but when I go on the elliptical at the gym a 10 minute run feels like 10 hours.

49: I love my six-pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.

This is definitely an oldie but a goodie. And trust me, when I’m in my dirty bulking this is my usual excuse when the ladies start looking.

Also something something I look more like a viking with a layer of fat to protect my six-pack. I don’t know, I’m lonely.

48: Forgot to post on Snapchat I was going to the gym, now the whole workout is worthless!

Actual facts though. People go to the gym one time in their life and they post it across Snapchat, Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram, etc.

Then they like never return to the gym. Except me, I always return to the gym- so I ALWAYS put it on my snapchat story. It’s not annoying, trust me.

47: Keep your squats low and your standards high.

Don’t quarter rep those squats and don’t date anybody that will treat you like dirt. Not a complete ‘funny gym quote’ because its’ also a life lesson.

46: Girls look at you and think you have a problem, you do, it’s that you can still fit through doorways.

IF YOU CAN STILL FIT THROUGH DOORWAYS, TURN AROUND, GO BACK TO THE GYM, AND LIFT UNTIL YOUR SHOULDERS ARE 50 INCHES WIDE.

TURN THOSE SHOULDERS INTO BOULDERS NOW.

Seriously though, don’t skip shoulders. (Did you know me, the self-proclaimed bodybuilder of Vekhayn skipped shoulders for 2 years straight? Definitely makes my physique a little weird- don’t be like me)

45: When people said ‘we never want to look like you’ Arnold replied, ‘don’t worry, you never will!’

This is something you should always say when someone jealous tries to poke at your bodybuilding habit. “I never want to look like you Tommy!” and hit them with the “don’t worry, you never will” and then everybody will stand up and start clapping, then you will become the president of the United States of America.

44: At this point, my blood type is probably whey.

If you’ve been lifting long enough you’ll know what I’m talking about. Those protein shakes you start taking all the time and the constant intake of protein is sure enough to turn you into a whey protein monster.

I went to the doctor and they said, “Yes Tommy, your COVID test came back positive” and I said “WHAT WAS THE WHEY COUNT” hahahahaha. (Please help my throat is so sore. I should’ve worn the mask.)

43: If the gym door says push, pull. It’s not directions, it’s a challenge.

Or you can get banned from Anytime Fitness by doing this.

42: You make my knees weak, just kidding, yesterday was leg day.

You ever see me pass out? It wasn’t because you’re a 10/10, it’s because I just pulled 315x8 on deadlifts and my central nervous system is STILL recovering.

Do I need to see a doctor?

41: Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training?

I hate to say it but sometimes I be out here skipping a few gym days here or there. I guess consistency is all that matters, but I digress.

40: ‘Call me CEO. Bill Plates’

CEO of GAINS. THE CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER OF LIFTING. BILL. PLATES.

39: Tired of being fat and ugly? Just be ugly and go to the gym!

Another old funny gym quote. Yeah, I’m ugly- but now I’m fit.

38: The hardest part of going to the gym is showing up, the second hardest part is finding a comfy chair.

Seriously though, we all have that friend that goes into the gym and sits on their phone for hours.

I’ve seen kids come into the gym, sit on the bench by the door for two hours on their phone, not even touch a weight, and then leave. What? Why?

I don’t know, just please like work out.

37: Trying to take off your bra/shirt after shoulders day. The struggle is real.

If it isn’t tough, your workout wasn’t hard enough. So go back to the gym.

36: ‘Welcome to Bi-AMI’ (and flex)

Yeah I live in Florida. BIAMI Florida.

35: My gym just went bankrupt, who’s the quitter now?

This kinda hit home once the pandemic hit.

34: ‘I don’t always take a rest day, but when I do, it’s to give the weights a day off’

Honestly though with how some of my friends slam the weights those weights do deserve a day on.

32: ‘The day you started lifting is the day you became forever small’

This is kind of the truth, I did cover this ‘funny gym quote’ (almost dark) in my Muscle Dysmorphia Quiz post.

31: I’m not in a good place right now, not emotionally, I’m just at the gym.

Sounds like carsten with this “I’m in a dark place…there’s caves, bats, no lighting”.

30: ‘Simple rule, if it jiggles, it’s fat’

Arnold coined this term. If you’re on a cut right now and trying to lose weight using Shortcut to Shred, keep this in mind to get through the day.

29: ‘AINT NOTHING BUT A PEANUT’

AINT NOTHING BUT A PEANUTTTT. LIFT THOSE WEIGHTS.

28: ‘LIGHTWEIGHT BABBYYYYYY’

You have to scream this before hitting a deadlift/squat/bench max, otherwise it is invalid. Scream LIGHTWEIGHT BABYYYYYYY at the TOP of your lungs for maximum effectiveness.

27: ‘You’ll never be as big as your pump’

The sad truth, I’m always living in MY OWN SHADOW.

26: Everybody wanna be big, but ain’t nobody want to lift no heavy weights.

This is honestly a statement that doesn’t get truer. Everybody wants to look like a bodybuilder, but nobody wants to do the hard work that comes with it!

25: Someone Call The Olympics, Tell ’em it’s cancelled, I already won!

VEKHAYN #1

24: You can suck it Darwin, we didn’t evolve from Apes, we evolved INTO apes. Started seeing the vet instead of the doctor.

I swear the more you bodybuild the more you feel like a primitive creature.

23: I don’t listen to the doctor, they spent 12 years studying the body, I spent 12 months BUILDING the body.

Facts honestly. Get me to a vet, only they will know how to handle THE BEAST I AM.

22: #REPSFORJESUS

EVERY REP IS FOR JESUS.

21: ‘A Calorie is a Calorie’ (proceeds to eat junk food)

All I’m saying is when you see me camped out at the McDonald’s dumpster eating, a calorie is a calorie.

20: ‘Everyday is arms day.’

I used to think this was a joke and all until I got addicted

19: ‘I treat my legs like I treat my girlfriend. I ignore them and let them disappear’

Yo hold up hold up is this why all my girlfriends leave me-

18: THERE’S A MONSTER IN THE GYM, A BI-CLOPS.

YEAHHHHH. Me and Chaz are in the squat rack looking BIG because we are BI-CLOPS with our massive 12 inch biceps!!!!!!1111

17: Aerobics came around because they couldn’t charge $50/hr to tell people to jump around. – Rita Rudner

Kind of facts though, I don’t like most personal trainers for this reason but I digress.

16: CURLS BEFORE GIRLS

AND FRIES BEFORE GUYS.

15: TRIS BEFORE GUYS

14: Excuses Don’t Kill The Fat, Exercises Do

I make excuses all the time. And that’s also why I’m 17% BF highkey.

13: Education is important, but big biceps is importanter.

A 4.0 GPA can get you into college, but can it get you into Mt.Olympia? That’s what I thought.

12: Run like you stole something

Do police even chase shoplifters anymore?

11: I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.

Honestly when I used to workout at 4AM this was the move. By the time I finally ‘woke up’ my workout was almost over and my brain couldn’t complain about me being at the gym.

10: My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right, I feel ten years older already. -Milton Berle

Honestly though, cardio just reminds me that I’m growing old.

9: Found out I was allergic to the gym. Started running and got all sweaty and my heart rate went through the roof. Never going back.

That was close. Never went on the elliptical again after that close call.

8: Last thing I want at my funeral is for them to say I was ‘small’.

Like seriously though. If I was dead and I heard at my funeral ‘our small fella Tommy died’ I would wake up in the casket and crawl out. It would literally revive me.

7: A dude told me I look like a man. I told him, if he lifted like me, he could too.

I honestly don’t get why people hate women for lifting. Stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. More than likely jealous men that also don’t lift.

6: Big Floppa

5: I got 99 problems, but a bench ain’t one

Turns out my bench was one. I deadlifted 400lbs and benched 165. Now I’m working on fixing it.

4: I’m getting real sick and tired of food having calories.

When I’m trying to lose weight this is the gospel right here. I get real sick and tired of anything having calories.

3: I don’t need a spot, I need a life insurance policy!

Honestly if I die benching 400 lbs, I would be glad to die. Everybody in my family would know I was a TRUE ALPHA MALE and they would get millions from my insurance for it.

(just kidding, if you’re reading this insurance company. disclaimer: i want to be alive)

2: I didn’t pass out when I deadlifted 1000kg. I actually ended up waking up. (from my dream)

Simple fix? Just pretend it wasn’t a dream, nobody would know.

1: Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask if your country can even lift!

-From STRONG F.Kennedy.

About the author

Vigilant

Vigilant is an author extremely dedicated to his blog. From a hard life of growing up paycheck to paycheck, he somehow took advantage of the opportunity to make himself a stronger person and pushed through to keep on pursuing his career an Emergency Medicine doctor, wrestles, and lifts 2 hours a day all with a full-time job and in college. Learn more about Vigilant and the "mustang gang" here at the About Me section.

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